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Back in June of 96, I had just arrived from Europe and was looking for a job or to put it another way was " Unemployed".
My wife Judith had inherited the school guinea pig to look after through the summer break and I, being Mr. Mum, stuck at home doing all the chores, began to suffer from insomnia. Ahhhhhh, I hear you say.
To fully understand the reason for the insomnia, I should tell you that Sherri (a GPDD member in Canada) had suggested I try some dog biscuits on the Pigster, to help his teeth etc. In the efforts to train him what to do with them, (He seemed to have no idea, he pee'd on it)
I would nibble on one to show him how it was done. Well to cut a long story short, I ate most of the box. Now I don't sleep to good, (need to howl at the moon), have shiny hair and my breath smells really sweet.......
Don't let 'em kid you, they do put something in 'em, to get you hooked.....
During one of these sleepless nights, I turned my thoughts to the Pigster and his prodigious output of small black " jelly beans". So I sent the following post to the GPDD to see if there were any others out there who would like to join me in something special with our guinea pigs
It went like this......................
1st e-mail 6/16/97
It occurred to me the other day, as I was attempting to de-poo the Pigster's housing project, just how much poo this little ball of fur can produce. It is really quite a feat. I give him some grass, a bit of carrot, a slice of apple, [ripe but still green :)]the odd piece of banana or water melon and as many pellets as he wants. He then proceeds to convert it all to "POO".
Now the strange thing is he can produce more metric tonnage of "POO" than I give him food.... Which is in one way very good, for if I had to buy him buckets of "POO" so he would give me back a handful of food, it would be waaaay too expensive. On the other hand it's bad, for if we succeed in filling the local land fill disposal site, the property taxes will go up. Sheeeech.
Lets face it those folks don't need much of an excuse to do that.
So......how about laying the "POO's" end to end to see how long it takes to reach, say..... coast to coast across America. With my little producer here, I reckon he could cover about 4 1/2 feet each day. Derived from average length of "POO" 1/2 inch. Average number of "POO's" per day 108. That means in 9,643 odd years we should be in Seattle. Or rather, the "POO" will.
Of cause this is talking as the crow flies. I haven't quite worked out just how to levitate all this "Inline POO" yet. However technology is a wonderful think and with a small nuclear device anything could happen!
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The project has just taken a turn for better...... I noticed he was eating his "POO's", which, working on the previous assumption, his daily output just took a giant leap forward.... "POO" into "more POO"... wow.... that's sneaky.
If there is anybody out there who would like to throw in there piggies output to get to Seattle even quicker? Just E-mail it to me and I'll add it to the pile.
Weeeeeks and happy munching to all.
{ Boy this insomnia bites, don't it. }
Two days later I was able to post the following.................
2nd e-mail 6/18/97
Just to keep you abreast of the Pigster's insomniac trip to Seattle.
"Perforating the continent East to West with a little dotted line"
Thanks to the very generous contributions of the Piggy Population at large, well, three actually. With, I might add, excellent input.
The first projected date of arrival in Seattle has moved up from 9,643 odd years to 5786.3 years because my calculator had a brain fart. Well,
to be fair, it was doing its thing at night and it is solar powered, so juice was probably not at a premium. Also my fingers have been known to be dyslectic at times. nuf said? One good bit of news, Maine Yankee is up for sale so we may have that Nuclear Device what's needed.....Yeeeha
Well, the response was pretty amazing and in a few short month we had hundreds of piglets throwing in there output and the ETA was dropping by the day. I had a hard time keeping up with all the Virtual Poo. I even had to fit a fork lift attachment to my mouse.
It sure fixed the insomnia though.
By the begining of November 1997, we were down to 20 odd years to Seattle with 33,666 poos or 2,104 feet being levitated each day, heading west with 562 little poopers.
Make mine a milk bone please .....ruff.
It is now October 2001 and we have over 2000 Guniea Pigs contributing to the effort. The ETA for Seattle and the ocean beyond is Oct 1st 2004. And they said it couldn't be done....
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